A Simple Look at a Not-So-Simple Life

Archive for the tag “just a little sarcasm”

Angel’s Wings, God’s Birthday, and Other Deep Theological Questions

A friend’s 6-year-old daughter asked him some deep theological questions this weekend. I’m sure he did just fine answering her questions, but he also sent them on to me to see if I had any wisdom to add to his attempts. These are some toughies, but here it goes:


Dear S.,

You are one more bright, inquisitive young lady with some excellent questions! You’ve obviously been doing a lot of thinking, which is more than most adults can say. Good for you!

First, I hear that you’re interested in knowing if all angels have wings. I haven’t seen it with my own eyes yet, but I believe that all angels in heaven do have wings. Of course, sometimes angels make trips down to earth to help us out and to keep us out of danger. Angels on earth don’t have their wings. I think it’s because the NSA (National Security Agency) revoked their security clearance to use their wings down here. You see, they are residents of Heaven, and the King of Heaven is known to be subversive and dangerous. I believe he is even on the terrorist alert list. They use the stories about the destruction of the Tower of Babel, the Flood, and the Plagues as proof. Also, the King’s Son has been heard talking about establishing a new kingdom on earth. Because of the angels’ close allegiance to the King and his Son, they too are considered with suspicion.

Second, you wanted to know when God’s birthday is. I wish I knew! I’ve heard rumors that certain seminaries (schools that train pastors) have possession of The Big Book of Answers. I hear it is a very big, very detailed book. Everything in it is in black and white – no color and no shades of gray. Apparently some pastors have access to that book and therefore have some definitive knowledge that other pastors don’t. I didn’t graduate from one of those pedigree seminaries, so I haven’t seen it. I’m sure the answer to your question is in that book somewhere. Maybe you can find one of the pastors who has seen it one day. (Although if you do, I’d recommend you run the opposite direction!)

big book

And finally, you wanted to know if God, Jesus, and Mary know everything. I think it’s safe to say that God and Jesus do know everything. Your dad said that Mary must know everything, too, since she’s a woman. That is one theory, I suppose, but I think the only people who believe that theory are sarcastic men who have a twisted sense of humor. I have a different theory that is more widely accepted. I think Mary knew everything until Jesus was about 7. Then each year from age 8 to age 15, Mary lost knowledge incrementally. From age 16-21, Mary knew absolutely nothing. Each year after 21, Mary regained some of her knowledge. By the time Jesus died at the age of 33, Mary was getting pretty doggone smart again.

I hope I’ve helped you out a little. Keep asking your dad these questions. It’s a great way to keep him on his toes!

God bless you!




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