simplyjan

A Simple Look at a Not-So-Simple Life

Beautifully Different

Beautifully Different. Think about what makes you different and what you do that lights people up. Reflect on all the things that make you different – you’ll find they’re what make you beautiful. (Author: Karen Walrond)

I get these prompts by email shortly after midnight. I spend the day mulling over them, then write up my responses at night. This prompt has haunted me all day and has produced mayhem in my brain.

Beautiful and me don’t belong in the same blog post. I struggle, I mean really struggle, with body image. I can think of myself as a person of worth, a reasonably smart and capable person, a nice person, but please don’t ask me to accept myself as a beautiful person.

But, in the spirit of the question, I’ll answer. I think I’ll skip the beautiful part and focus on the different part.

I’m not afraid to be different. I am a pastor in a society that doesn’t always accept women as ministers.

I’m not afraid of a challenge. I adopted two children knowing I would raise them as a single mom.

I’m not afraid of being conspicuous. My family tends to stand out, with my fair blonde 18-year-old and my two Latino 7-year-olds.

I’m not afraid of adventure. I’ve moved myself and my family away from a sure safety net. We’ve done just fine so far.

I’m not afraid to stay with people on their journeys, even when the journeys are difficult. In fact, once I’m a part of your journey, you’ll have a hard time shaking me.

I’m not afraid to act, even when I’m afraid. As a single mom and as a pastor, I often find myself in the position of being the one who has to take charge. I’m the one who has to kill the bugs, dispose of the hunted victims of my cat, clean up the gross stuff, act brave during the storms, and investigate the things to go bump in the night. I’m the one who has to take that difficult phone call at work, deal with the person off the street who is in the throes of withdrawals, walk into God knows what in hospital rooms, and meet people at their darkest, most difficult moments. I don’t always like doing these things, but I know that I can do them. Even when I’m not sure I can, I know how to make myself go through the proper motions until my feelings can match my doing.

I’m not afraid to admit that even though I say I’m not afraid, I do indeed wrestle with fear. A lot. But I believe that you’ve gotta do what you’ve gotta do. So I do it.

I’m not sure what any of these things have to do with being beautiful. After all, beauty is in the eye of the beholder. But this is who I am, so if you behold any beauty in that, then so be it.

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One thought on “Beautifully Different

  1. It all sounds beautiful to me.

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