A Simple Look at a Not-So-Simple Life

Big Messy Bag of Feelings

This was the big weekend: college move-in weekend for my oldest daughter. I am still processing all the emotions I am feeling about all of this. Among the ones I’ve been able to pull out and name so far are:

– Excitement. What a great stage of life she is now entering!

– Jealousy. I really do wish I could go back and do it all again. (Preferably knowing the things I know now, however.)

– Emptiness. If you know me well, then you know that my daughter and I have a unique and special relationship. I am going to be, at least at first, quite lost without her.

– Sad. Yes, I cried all the way home. But only when I was in the car and out of her sight. Can’t have her worrying about me!

– Confused. Because she did her senior year of school online, she was with me at work every day. She was an amazing personal assistant. She kept me organized. She did the internet research for me. She kept ideas flowing. She was the desktop publishing guru. How am I ever going to find/research/design anything?!I am really going to miss that work companionship and partnership. She really would be quite good in ministry, but shhh – don’t tell her that. Right now she won’t hear of it.

– Relieved. The last two years of her life have been anything but normal. We’ve been through a number of traumatic events. We’ve made some big changes. She hasn’t lived the ‘normal’ teenage life. (Face it, how many 18 year olds happily go to work with mom?!) I am relieved that she will now be living the ‘normal’ young adult life, having the ‘normal’ young adult experiences.

– Blessed. I told her before we got to the dorm yesterday that when she was ready for me to leave, to just say so. With parents and kids all around us snapping at each other, we had a blast! We got her unpacked and settled, made the last (hopefully) supply run, and stocked her mini-fridge. I knew that I was one of the luckiest moms alive when she told me how much fun she’d had with me and how well we worked together. YES!  

– Curious. I can’t wait to see what major she chooses and what interests she discovers!

– Curious, again. Not only is she entering a new stage in life, so am I. Yes, I still have children at home, but the family dynamics  will shift dramatically. What’s in store for me now?

I covet your prayers for my college daughter, for me, and for my two younger children as we adjust to a new way of being. There are bound to be a few bumps in the road, but the scenery should be great!


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6 thoughts on “Big Messy Bag of Feelings

  1. Give yourself a big pat on the back and treat yourself very tenderly for a few days or weeks.

    I understand the special bond–WG and I are pretty close, and it is hard to not have her here to tell her stuff I find interesting/funny that I know she would get.

    You have raised a great young woman and it will be wonderful to stand back and watch her grow. I promise. And I know whereof I speak.

  2. Blessings to all of you in this new chapter.

  3. Thank you both. And Jules, thanks for the DM response last night. My heart was breaking in two and I knew you would understand.

  4. You know I'm walking a similar path, just a few weeks behind you my friend, so first of all, huge hugs heading your way…
    I'm glad that the move in went so well & that, however awful the drive home, you negotiated it safely.
    Bravo on bringing her safely to this stage and lots of blessings on all of you as the adventure continues xxx

  5. Prayers, indeed.

  6. praying for you both. what a gift you are to each other, and what a gift to let her go with open hands. not to say it will be easy though. I had and have a special relationship with my mom and that leave-taking was torture for us both…but necessary.

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